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Yes, I COULD have inverted the mask.  I was doing this for some people that are learning about layers and masks, so it was done backwards on purpose to show ways to fix it...  Deleting and recreating was one.

In this case it sounds like I've turned OFF the confirmation and "Apply" is the default.  Now that I know WHAT it's doing, I found a discussion from FOUR YEARS ago, talking about this "bug"...

It appears if you add a vector mask (usually by mistake), and want to delete it you have a confirmation to deal with.  It must just offer delete, cancel and "don't show again".  If you click "don't show again" it apparently turns OFF the confirmation for BOTH vector masks and layer masks, and the default for layer masks it to apply - at least that's what I gleaned from the long-ago discussion.

If that's correct, it seems like this should have been fixed YEARS ago...  I'm going to go reset all the warning things in prefs and try it.